If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
