some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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