allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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