some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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