He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize