i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
