we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Two words: blizzard sex
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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