You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she smelled like a LAN party
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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