I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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