I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
