He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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