im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
