Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
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Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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