Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
