i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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