make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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