I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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