please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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