I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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