Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Who died my cat blue again?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
