I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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