I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
