I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
