If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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