Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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