good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
