remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
