Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
