he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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