Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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