I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
