Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
