i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.