from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.