you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt