My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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