you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
