The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's never too late to be topless.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
