you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
