Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
