I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell