Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
