Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
found the other keg... it's in the tree
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you