she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball