i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.