The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...