Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All im saying is that my face might fall off.