stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
