I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
