It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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