sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
