I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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