White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
