a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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