Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
