I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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