There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
