the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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