There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
