True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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