I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
