HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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