Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize