Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
