Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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