Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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