oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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