I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
