i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
