woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
