So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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