So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
