our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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