Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
