Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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