I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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