Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
