look no pants
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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